putting Christ in the center of one's marriage doesn't mean it's invincible to temptation by the enemy - it is even always tested so because the enemy delights in destruction. i fear not though, because i know the Lord will not allow temptation He knows i will not be able to flee from or overcome.
while i was busy putting on calamine lotion on my son's chickenpox last night, my hubby was talking about how vast it already spread onto his body. i was a bit irritated because he didn't want to give our son the anti-viral medicine the doctor gave to our daughter so i said, in an almost sarcastic voice, that it was because of that and he said we should just let it all come out. he snapped at me and shouted back saying why i was always complaining to him, why my mouth always open just to complain. i replied to him i'm just explaining why the chickenpox spread so much more than my daughter's but he wasn't listening to me anymore - he let his anger came over him. he kept on saying whatever he wanted. i was tempted to defend myself; instead i submitted to him. when i tucked our son into his bed, he went on to sleep. when i laid down beside him, i told him i'm sorry for my character (ugali). he mumbled, i think, "ok, we better get to sleep" and didn't even looked at me. it tore my heart out because even though there are lots of good changes i know he sees i do, he chooses to highlight every wrong things i do. other times he even tells me we will quit the lifegroup or church because it seems nothing is happening great out of it, which i fully disagree. i am not proud of myself because i overcame my iniquities before but i am proud of my Lord and Saviour Jesus for helping me do just that and freed me from my oppressions. and i knew Him thru that lifegroup, thru that church. i've learned on several occassions that people will fail you, even your loved ones, over and over. and it is not their fault, it is their nature's fault - for people are sinful by nature. as a Christian, even though it's hard i try to understand when people fail me, hurt me or disappoint me - sometimes knowingly - because it is what my Lord would have wanted, to be like Him. during these times, it is also when i can feel God's love the most because there is no turning to anyone but Him. and last night, that is what i did, amidst crying profusely with my heart bleeding. i was praying that the Holy Spirit fill me and that the Lord may comfort me. i didn't question why this was still happening to me, why even though i fervently serve Him i am still experiencing heartaches in my relationship with my husband. instead i asked Him, "Lord, what am i to do?" and when i reached out for my bible He told me:
He said to me, "Son of man, stand up on your feet and I will speak to you." As he spoke, the Spirit came into me and raised me to my feet, and I heard him speaking to me. He said: "Son of man, I am sending you to the Israelites, to a rebellious nation that has rebelled against me; they and their ancestors have been in revolt against me to this very day. The people to whom I am sending you are obstinate and stubborn. Say to them, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says.’ And whether they listen or fail to listen - for they are a rebellious people - they will know that a prophet has been among them. And you, son of man, do not be afraid of them or their words. Do not be afraid, though briers and thorns are all around you and you live among scorpions. Do not be afraid of what they say or be terrified by them, though they are a rebellious people. You must speak my words to them, whether they listen or fail to listen, for they are rebellious. But you, son of man, listen to what I say to you. Do not rebel like that rebellious people; open your mouth and eat what I give you. (Ezekiel 2:1-8 NIV)
i quickly understood what God wanted me to do: i must continue doing His will, and i must be an example to my husband. i must be a prophet to Him. i must continue to pray for him, reach out to him, encourage him - even though he is stubborn. i must continue to forgive him if he trespasses me. i shall not tire of loving him and respecting him as my husband. i shall not be afraid of what he will tell me for the Lord sends me to him. i shall not let the Good News get bottled up inside me, instead i should remind him even if at times he won't listen. He also reminded me that i must listen to Him - i shall not be rebellious to Him.
i also was very touched that the Lord did not condemn me, even though i have a fault in the way things turned out last night, with my husband getting angry at me. He just told me that i should just be my husband's prophet - and that there is no need to blame. i need to pick myself up and move forward. i delight in the Lord overflowing love for me.
before i went to sleep, i prayed over my husband in Spirit. i felt a great relief came over me afterwards. and as the Lord has blessed me since i received Him as my Lord and Saviour, His peace came to me once more and blessed me with rest - i slept like a baby.
i am not sharing this to show that my marriage is not one to follow but one to learn something from. i do not believe that there is one marriage without conflict at all. i am sharing this because i know there are hardships even loving couples have, especially those who confessed their love for Christ. for the enemy will try and destroy that love that is built around Jesus and in turn will destroy the relationships of those couple with people they are surrounded with. i do not claim to be perfect but i do claim i am holy for the Lord blessed me when i received Him. it doesn't mean i cannot commit mistakes anymore but i do try hard not to with the help of the Holy Spirit; when i do commit mistakes, i quickly repent to whoever i trespassed to and to my Living God.
i am very grateful for the Lord pours His love onto me over and over, each day i live. that He looks after me and speaks to me especially when i draw close to Him. and He reassures me of His love and mercy. how great is the Lord!
with this experience, i learned to be more vigilant and aware of the enemy's tricks. with that, i am unceasingly committing my marriage, my family and my faith unto the Lord. i'm claiming that my husband will be the husband, father, son, brother, colleague, friend and servant the Lord has prepared him to be. i eternally commit myself as well to the Lord to do His will and visions unto my life in whatever way He calls me to.
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